Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Dear Diary, It's a BAT!

Dear Diary,

8:00 pm--Made foolish decision to drink Mountain Dew. Experienced extended caffeine rush.

3:30 am--Went to bed. Got up 1.2 nanoseconds later to investigate noise in bedroom.

3:31 am--Discovered black, wriggling, fist-sized object inside the window track.

3:32 am--Utilized evasive maneuvers to avoid BAT swooping through bedroom. Evidently a bat's radar draws it toward pajamas. And human shrieks. Much ducking, flailing, and running on my part.

3:45 am--Husband and I donned protective gear. Jake in coat and welding gloves. Me in fluffy pink robe and gardening gloves.

3:55 am--Bat's concealment techniques rivaled Jason Bourne's. We searched possible hiding places, including clothes hamper, closet, bed, shoes, purse.  Located intruder holed up in drapery fold.

4:00 am--After much struggle, captured bat with 6 foot fishing net. Flung bat outside, where it fell lifeless to roof overhang beneath window.

4:05 am--Looked for bat's body. Gone. So not dead.

4:10 am--Began bedroom cleaning/disinfecting process.

6:30 am--Finished bedroom cleaning/ disinfection process. Went to sleep in guest bedroom.

11:00 am--Called parent and shared bat story.

11:30 am--Received call back from Dad saying, "So the bat wasn't dead? Next time use a stake through the heart."

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